Anime Death Match: Knights vs Senshi
by Nadare
Summary: Remember Celebrity Deathmatch? Yeah, those claymation violent gore fests in which combatants are slaughtered for the general public's amusement. What if they started to dabble in the anime world? Please note old dubbed English names were used to refer to the Sailor Senshi.


[No idea when this was written. It's definitely before 1999].

[Edited 8/22/15]

Welcome to our special Anime edition of Celebrity Deathmatch!

Johnny: I'm Johnny Gomez.

Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond. Tonight on Anime Deathmatch.

Johnny: For our first round and only round, we have the Sailor Scouts of Sailor Moon, and the Magic Knights from Magic Knight Rayearth duke it out in the ring.

Nick: Just how did this fight start? The Sailor Scouts seem like a peaceful group.

Johnny: Just what I want to know, Nick. Let's go to Debbie Manolipios in the locker room with Umi of the Magic Knights.

(Camera shot to locker room where Umi is making out with a short man dressed in robes. Debbie is seen trying to get Umi's attention)

Debbie: AHEM!

(Umi sighs, and glares at Debbie while Clef is wiping lipstick off his face)

Umi: I suppose you're here to poke in my business.

Debbie: Uh, no. Who's he?

(Debbie points to Clef)

Umi: One of my boyfriends.

Debbie: One of your boyfriends?

Umi: Got a problem with that? You're just like that ditz, Serena! Always questioning everything! People like that just grind my nerves. I mean, here I am, minding my own business, making out with my other boyfriend, Ascot, and Serena asks me over and over where I got my jacket. As if I care!

(Debbie backs off, eyes wide and runs out the locker door)

(Hikaru walks out of the showers, and glances around)

Hikaru: What happened to that reporter?

(Umi shrugs and smiles at Clef who is sitting next to her)

Umi: She just left for some strange reason.

(The camera now is focused on Nick and Johnny who clear theirs throat at the same time)

Johnny: That Umi's got quite a temper.

Nick: You said it.

Johnny: Our contenders are now walking in the ring, and Mills Lane is waiting to call the match.

(We see the ring, and the Magic Knights gaze at the Sailor Scouts who are all transformed into their fighting attire.)

Mills: All right, ladies, I want a good clean fight. No nails involved. Let's get it on!

(Umi smiles and walks over to the Sailors' corner)

Umi: Who picks your outfits? You all look like you could be in a WE ARE 18 commercial.

(Serena growls and runs towards Umi who punches Serena in the nose as soon as she is close enough)

Serena: Ohh, my nose!

(Hikaru and Fuu laugh hysterically as Serena cries about her nose for two straight minutes)

Raye: No one beats up on our leader! Let's get 'em!

(Fuu walks into the middle of the ring, and pulls a table fill of food from her glove jewel. Serena forgets her nose and starts pigging out.)

Hikaru: Some leader...

(Mina calls forth her Venus Crescent Smash, and narrowly misses frying Umi.)

Umi: Ha ha!

(Hikaru responds by calling forth her Flame Arrow, and fries Raye into dust)

Amy: Raye! Oh, no. I do believe we're in trouble.

(All Scouts cry out, Amy calls forth Mercury Bubbles Blast and accidentally farts during the summon. The attack hits Fuu and she chokes to death on fart bubbles)

Amy: Who says my attacks aren't powerful?

(An observer leaps into the ring and pulls out a huge sword and proceeds to slice and dice Amy)

Hikaru: Ferio? Yeah, kill the smart-mouthed bitch!

(Umi grabs Serena by the hair and starts beating her up)

(Lita and Mina turn to the crowd for help. They see the Outer Scouts watching.)

Mina: Michelle?! Amarah! Help us!

Lita: Hotaru?! HELP!

(The Outers smile with indifference and walk away while the remaining scouts scream in terror)

(Lita runs at Hikaru and manages to knee her in the stomach. Hikaru pulls out her sword and misses Lita's arm by inches. The two continue to fight as a pink cloud circles the ring. Sailor Mini-Moon pops out and lands in the ring, crying Mommy!)

Rini: Mommy! Mommy! Let go of her, you bitch!

(Rini calls forth her Pink Sugar Heart Attack, and sneers at her wand when nothing comes out)

Rini: Piece of goddamn shit!

(Mina gasps at Rini's language)

(Tuxedo Mask jumps into the ring and observes Serena being beaten to death. Turns to Umi and smiles)

Darien: Hey, you're cute. Got a boyfriend?

(Clef and Ascot jump into the ring and grab Darien's arms)

Ascot: That's my girl, man!

Clef: Let's kill him!

(Clef calls forth his Lighting Call, and misses as Darien runs in terror)

(Meanwhile, Ferio finishes killing Amy. Smiles at his handiwork. Then shrugs, and joins the crowd again)

(Clef and Ascot corner Darien, and start tearing him apart.)

(Meanwhile, Clef and Ascot finish with Darien. Umi pounds Serena's head on the table who is knocked unconscious. Umi runs off with her two boyfriends, and leaves Hikaru to finish Mina off)

Hikaru: Oh, is Sailor Venus scared?

(Hikaru uses her Rune-God to crush a screaming Mina)

(Hikaru exits her Rune-God and walks over to a screaming Serena. Serena runs to the table, starts eating everything in sight including body parts. Serena explodes, minutes later.)

(Hikaru smiles at the destruction, and jumps out of the ring and into Lantis's open arms.)

(Johnny and Nick stare shell-shocked at the bloody ring. The camera blackens and the crowd's screams disappear. Credits roll.)

 _ **The End**_


End file.
